Following Misery’s Lead
by sparks in sky
Summary: Blair Waldorf had never been described as a nice girl unless it was meant very sarcastically .


**Following Misery's Lead**

Blair Waldorf had never been described as a nice girl (unless it was meant _very _sarcastically).

*

When Blair was seven years old she got her first porcelain doll. It had chestnut brown hair and the biggest eyes she'd ever seen, the very first time she set her eyes on it she exclaimed it to be _just perfect_. Her parents said - much to her liking - that they couldn't believe how much the doll looked like their daughter. Blair called her Juliet – a lady like name – and showed her off to everyone who was willing to see her, and some who weren't. She was confused when all they did was nod and say 'that's nice dear'. Her little mind spun with bewilderment. They weren't admiring Juliet at all! They _did _seem to fawn over Serena's stupid Barbie doll. But why? Juliet was _perfect,_ pretty eyes, pretty hair and pretty smile, how could anyone miss that?

But wait. Juliet _did_ have a weird nose, and her ears weren't _that _pretty. Blair examined the doll again, Juliet's hair wasn't very nice and even her lips were too thin to be considered beautiful. She almost laughed, of course Juliet wasn't perfect, why she used to think that was beyond her. But instead of laughing she scowled at the doll, as if it has lied to her. She looked away, the stupid doll was disgusting. She felt nauseous looking at it.

The next day the Waldorf housekeeper finds the doe eyed doll in the trash bin.

*

At eight years old her mom decided to have a Very Serious Conversation because she was Already A Young Lady and should know The Place Of The Waldorf Women In Society. When her dad walked into the Very Serious Conversation he had to laugh out loud. He claimed it was because of Blair's solemn expression before shaking his head, and getting out of the room while mumbling something almost inaudible about the Waldorfs.

*

When Blair was ten years old she made three very crucial realization- at least in her eyes.

First of all she decided Audrey Hepburn should be sainted. Or at least get a bag named after her. Blair could recite every line in Breakfast at Tiffany's and sing Moon River flawlessly. Audrey Hepburn inspired her in the way no one – not even daddy- ever did. She was graceful, and beautiful and such a _lady_. Just the way Blair should turn out like. _Perfect_ like Audrey.

Following was the realization that she was going to marry Nathaniel Archibald. She knew this because he would always play daddy during House, and he would always draw with her and play with her and once he said her headband looked 'real pretty'. He didn't even have cooties like the other boys. He was _perfec_t. And besides what's a Holly without a Fred?

The last epiphany however wasn't as nice as the other ones. But she should've seen it coming, really. After all, with a best friend as perfect as Serena, she should've expect the background seat, or the sideline bench. But why was Serena so perfect in everyone else's eyes? She always made her clothes dirty! Her hair was never properly brushed and she had such squinty eyes!

But then again, her own hair was getting _quite_ frizzy, and she didn't have _such_ nice eyes and, and, she did kind of understand why people liked Serena more, because she was like nice to everyone (even people from _Brooklyn_ But that didn't mean she had to like it.

*

Serena had always been the Cameron Diaz of the duo, exciting, unpredictable and a breath of fresh air. But Cameron Diaz was easily forgotten, and Blair refused to be like that. Blair likes to think of herself more along the lines of Audrey Hepburn, _classic_, unforgettable.

*

She was fourteen years old when she didn't fit The Dress. It was _the_ perfect dress to

Finally make Nate fall in love with her while dazzling everyone around. And how could it not fit? It was her size ! Maybe not anymore, she guesses (Because of the apple pie yesterday, or the croissant she had this morning or maybe she should stop drinking cappuccinos )

*

_Spotted: S looking like she's had more than a few drink, stepping out of a cabs. I and K holding B's purse while she's fitting dresses at Barney's. Queen B, you sure you want to eat that cupcake ? _

_xoxo_

_Gossip Girl_

*

Serena called her a moment later, can you believe people actually believe this, she says amused. Blair tries to laugh along, but there's a nagging feeling in her gut. Blair skipped

dinner that night. Just in case.

*

She was fifteen and a half when she was kneeling in front of the toilet, finger in her throat and feeling more light-headed than ever. With some strength she didn't know she possessed she got up, shaky hands clutching the sink. Her eyes meet her reflection, and she can feel the fat and calories leaving her body, but her mind is being uncooperative. This is Bad bad bad, it tells her. Just a little bit more, she reasons to herself, and then I'll stop and pretend it never happened. I can stop whenever I want to. Just not right now.

*

It felt like everyone was leaving her these days. There was Serena, somewhere in Boarding School having the time of her life, not even bothering to text her supposed best friend. There's her father, leaving her alone with her mother, somewhere in a chalet in France with his beloved _Roman. _Her mother always going to some fashion show in some far country, saying it's for her fashion line (but please, Blair knows it's because the house is filled with all those happy memories that burn, burn, burn because those memories remind her of the times where her life didn't feel so empty )

Nate was there though.

Nate (distant and confused) didn't leave her like the others who were supposed to love her did (maybe that's why she had clung to him that tightly, because it felt like he was the only one who didn't abandon her. )

*

Nate cheated on her with Serena.

It figures that the only person she thought she could depend on was the one that hurt most.

*

Blair Waldorf liked to think of herself as classic, unforgettable, practically perfect.

(Except that she's painfully aware that she's more something along the lines of confused, insecure, and bitter, bitter, bitter)


End file.
